Editorial: Realizing Equality Key to Interracial Acceptance

By Michelle Norris

Editor's Note: This Fall's issue of Stand Up! is the Taboo Issue. Each article will focus on "something you wouldn't bring up over Thanksgiving dinner." Topics will include everything from poverty to masturbation, so get ready to blush on Nov 16! Until then, staffers have put together teaser pieces for the issue, including Mrs. Norris' personal column on a topic about which many Stand Up staffers have first-hand knowledge: interracial dating.

Picture this: A loving mother heads back to her hometown in Missouri to visit family, and like any loving mother would, brings her son’s prom pictures. He, his girlfriend and two of his closest friends are huddled together in the typical prom pose, all linked arm in arm, smiling intensely for the best possible impression. The mother’s family is tentatively pleased, but cannot resist asking the question.

“So, who is whose date?”

There is silence momentarily as she identifies the mocha colored girl next to her son as his date. Silence once again.

“Oh, so…they do that there?”

This mother’s awkward experience is not unlike the experiences of many others.  Teenagers have put up with their loving parents threatening to kick them out because of their choices. Adults have gotten married without family members there because they simply cannot comprehend.  Introductions have been awkward. Relationships have gone underground. Couples have gotten the strangest looks, and even stranger comments.

My two sets of grandparents have never met each other. They probably never will, unless it’s for a funeral, and even that could be brought into question. Over 20 years ago, when my parents got married, they were fresh out of the Coast Guard Academy and madly in love. My father’s parents just couldn’t deal with it. They didn’t classify themselves as “racist." No one really does, seeing as it is generally frowned upon; however, reasons are still found to prevent people who love each other but look different from being together.

In this day and age, one might think this whole problem would be a thing of the past. But, interracial dating remains a taboo that just seems too large to conquer. And it’s not just white and black; it’s everyone. You’d think it was giraffes and llamas with the way people react, but then again even they’re cross breeding now. 

So why is it that we are having so much trouble with the concept of different skin colors, eye shapes or hair types combining to make freakishly beautiful children and diverse relationships? Simply enough, it’s just passed down. It's tradition and it’s what older generations identify with. Our generation has the potential to create a completely new standard: a standard of diversity, acceptance and change.  We have had the advantage of growing up, for the most part, in a world where it’s now “hip” and “urban” to be involved in groundbreaking matchups.  They’re becoming less unusual every day. Mind you, grandma may not be on board, but it’s our job to move the old out and usher in the new. I’m not telling you to leave grandma on the streets, just her old and tired ideas.

My parents and most of your parents grew up in a time when race really was everything. Race, whether it was consciously so or not, defined most elements of one’s life. Your parents were most likely in high school during integration, but there were still predominately black and predominately white schools. It was uncommon for race to be such a non-issue as it is trying to be made into now, and it takes a mental leap of sorts to move past the old ideas. So really, it was a challenge for races just to relate, much less date and commit to each other. This is why so many parents explain that they are by no means racist, and would never suggest that one excluded someone of the basis of their race, unless of course it’s about becoming part of the family. Of course they don’t dislike African Americans, Hispanics or Asians, but they still do not put themselves in the same category. A friend of mine’s mom is Hispanic and her dad is English. These people are both technically white, but the parents of the husband opposed the courtship because there son was not “like those people.”  People have barriers between themselves and others in their minds, and until those barriers are broken down, instead of just downsized, there can’t be change. Like I said before, it’s much deeper than black and white. Sometimes it’s deeper than race. It’s about a feeling of superiority, which covers the reality that people are all just people.

Our generation should be commended. Whether it is attributed to our general openness and forward thinking, or the fact that we just want to do whatever we feel, our generation has made so much progress as far as interracial dating and race relations go. There will always be the person here and there who feels superior, or is stuck in the ways of their family, but it is a lot less common than it used to be. I, as a multiracial person am hardly ever made to consider my race or the opinion that someone will have on it when I am thinking about whom to date or become involved with. It honestly isn’t something that I feel needs to cross my mind. I don’t know if people ever thought that it could be this easy for someone, but the world is on the way to making it so. We still have so many intense prejudices that still need to be overcome, but the fight for interracial relationships and the newly found acceptance of it is quite a start. When it comes down to it, it’s about understanding that you aren’t all that, and once you put yourself on a level with everyone else, relating becomes a whole lot easier.